Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
