I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
