you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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