birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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