Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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