I accidentally had phone sex last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
