There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
