Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
