Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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