If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
