we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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