Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
