David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
