what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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