Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
do nipples grow back?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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