He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
