I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
