Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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