I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
