I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
