so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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