This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
