Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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