sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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