do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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