I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
