i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
