Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
