Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
