DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
