What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
