Your dad touched me again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
