i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
