Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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