I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
