6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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