There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
