brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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