ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
