dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
