Umm I'm too high to move.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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