I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
