Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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