I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
