Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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