Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
