there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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