I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
