Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
wow bdsm is so cute
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
