Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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