mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
