shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
