He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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