you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
